Yes that’s me. My senior picture taken in the summer of 1978 for my year of graduation – 1979.
This morning I received an invitation on facebook from a former high school class mate – to join “schoolFeed” a website somewhat like “Classmates.com”. Naturally I was curious and was surprised to see many people I recognize (well, at least I recognize their names) from high school. It is a website that allows you to post pictures, interest, bio and stats, including a senior photo – so others can tell it’s really you.
I’ve never been too interested in this kind of stuff before – because frankly – I keep in touch with those I want to and have never sought out the others I did not have relationship with past high school. Usually for most of us, high school is a time of dark murky waters of self-consciousness and humiliation – mixed in with some of the best times of our lives. For me – an old boyfriend or two has a tendency to pop up on sites like this and although amusing – it’s sometimes better to leave the past in the past. Heartbreaks and relationship issues – especially in high school are dicey at best.
My good times in high school revolve around my musical and dramatic involvement – NOT the academic arena. In fact – I can hardly remember what I learned back them – don’t remember ever having homework but managed to pull “A’s” and “B’s” in most classes. But I remember almost every play I was involved in and every piece of music I sang in our concert and Jazz choir.
But when I look back on high school - it is not with all fondness. It was an age of awkwardness, not being sure enough of myself – to really be myself and mostly a time of great regret for me personally. As one of the few Christians in my high school – I know I could have spoken up more – and tried to make more of a difference, but I didn’t. I know I did not handle a couple of situations in the right way. Who really acts in a grown-up way before the age of 18? But still – it is something I think about.
I have this weird recurring dream too. I’m back in high school – can’t remember my locker combination – can find my class, etc. When I finally do find a schedule for classes – I’m in one (after roaming the halls forever) too late in the quarter and don’t have any idea what they’re talking about – and there’s a real possibility I won’t graduate. Now in the light of day this is a silly dream (if there really is such a thing) I not only graduated, but went on to be a college graduate as well.
The only explanation that Greg and I have ever been able to come up with is this:
Somewhere deep down – I have the feeling of “unfinished business”. And this is something I have never been able to shake.
So finding some of these people online whom I have not had a face-to-face conversation since 1979 – is surreal. Gotta love facebook for bringing past people back into our present. What we do with them is our choice.
And because we can never go back – I have to believe that those circumstances, pain and regret have made me who I am today. Without them – I would not have learned how to handle heartbreak and regret, or to be able to find a long-lasting relationship – and know the difference.
But I do want to reconnect with those from my past that make me smile. Those I’ve forgotten about, as they went on their way to “do life”. Share wonderful memories of fun things we did – remember teachers and events and talking about how old and mature we thought we were. But most of all – I would love to take what I know now about people and life in general – and walk those high school halls again, find those people whom I hurt and who hurt me – and make things right in person.
What are your best and worst high school memories? Do you like connecting with others from your past? What would you do if you could go back with what you know now?