The other night I had a complete and total emotional melt-down. I’m not proud of it – I’m just admitting it. I’m real. I have those kinds of days too. I don’t always handle everything the right way with grace and dignity. Unfortunately this was not a melt down due to a bad day – it was…just because.
I don’t know why it feels uncomfortable to admit that I cry and have melt-downs once in a while. Or that I ever have a bad day. I’m not sure why I have it in my memory bank that it’s right to always paint on a smile – hold it in – ALWAYS think positively and for GOODNESS SAKES don’t admit I’m having a struggle. In a perfect world where people respond correctly and friends don’t act weird or people make me feel stupid and there is never a problem, then I guess I could suck it up. But it’s not very accurate – at least in my life and in the end – by pretending that everything is just ‘peachy’ – it only makes other people feel like complete losers when they themselves are walking through a hard season – or even just a bad day. What if they push me away because I am ‘so perfect’ at least from all appearances – and I don’t have ANY problems?
But the truth is – that I DO have problems and struggles. And I am a crier. A really emotional crier. I can’t seem to watch anything sad or sentimental without crying – or at least tearing up a little.
Tears are funny. They happen when I least expect them. Sometimes it’s a memory triggered by normal things like music – or something I read – or something someone says. And sometimes there is no reason for them at all and I am helpless to stop them. Oh I’m not talking about the ‘tearing up’ because of happiness or hurt – I’m talking about REALLY CRYING.
Crying DOES release something inside. Frustration, sadness, helplessness, resignation, fear, rejection, bitterness, anger and many other emotions. It’s nature’s way of getting it out. I’ve been told that they are even therapeutic. But for me – there is a high price for tears. I don’t mean just tears. But the tears that have a little extra. You know what I mean – the throat constricts and the sobs come up from a deep place and pretty soon my makeup is all over my face in all the wrong places – my nose is dripping and I can’t breathe. It’s a joyous experience. Welcome to my puffy world.
However – I’m thinking there just HAS to be another way to release frustration and emotion. One that doesn’t leave a headache and puffy eyes. One that doesn’t rob me of sleep and make me feel all icky. This last ‘break-down’ cost me a whole day – and who has time for that with a busy schedule? NOT ME.
Greg tells me that I just need to hit something. Really hard. In fact he rarely cries – most men are like this – they would rather hit things or do something physical to ‘get it out’. And they don’t get headaches. I’m starting to think that maybe they have the right idea. No kidding. Greg told me just today that he’s going to give me a big bat and then I’m supposed to count to ten and then start swinging. The counting to ten is so that he can get out-of-the-way. I can see this – Greg with eyes WIDE open while running for his life! He is quite safe – no worries. But he knows that I would feel better if I could just hit something – or someone really hard on the head :)
Tears. Stupid tears. Who needs them?
I guess I do.
- Not All Tears Are Created Equal (psychologytoday.com)
- Are all cries good for you? (psychologytoday.com)
- When Getting Older Makes You A Crybaby [Choked Up] (jezebel.com)