Musings From A Musical Mind

The Love Relationship

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I was in the gym today with Greg when he said something that sparked a long humorous conversation.  He was trying to tell me something – I didn’t hear correctly – started to interject something totally different – and he stopped me and said, ‘You’re just not hearing me – you’re not hearing my heart‘  Oh brother.  I say ‘Oh brother’ because he is saying it with TONS of sarcasm in his voice – and a chuckle at my expense!!

This has been a part of our love relationship for years now.  The differences in us that make us laugh.  Greg making fun of women – (mainly me) and imitating  all the silly ‘girly’ phrases and things we women do.  It works for him – because he always manages to get some kind of reaction from me – and he likes that.  And I tease and poke fun at him – when he becomes too serious – or too stuffy – and it always makes him laugh.

Men love to make fun of women.  Case and Point:  The movie ‘Titanic” – where the old Rose is saying about her memory of Jack (the man she loved) – ‘he saved me in every way a woman can be saved’.  Greg loves to make fun at that movie – and especially cheesy lines like that.  His first response is – ‘You’ve GOT to be kidding, right’?  But I know what she meant by that line in the movie – women get it. Women understand these deep mysteries of feelings and emotions – and Men pretend they don’t. When probed – I have discovered that men really do get it - it’s just not ‘manly’ to admit it.

Now why is this?  Men have feelings and emotions – this is for certain – and no one can hurt a man like a woman can.  Remember the recent series “Men of a certain age”?   Actor Ray Romano tells his son about women, ‘they have many ways they can hurt us”.

So if this is true – and men feel the same feelings about love and other things that we do – why is it considered weak - or ‘girly’ to admit it?  Very few men will admit to crying at a sad movie – although I’ve seen both my husband and son do it – but not many others.  Most men are guarded when it comes to expressing those ‘touchy feely’ feelings.  And I believe it is drilled into them as little boys to be tough and not show emotion.  That somehow it weakens them to admit they struggle – or have fear – or are afraid – or feel helpless in the midst of love – or can be hurt enough to cry.  Remember the song in the 70’s by the group ’10cc’ where one of the lines is ‘Big boys don’t cry’?  How sad that men believe this – how sad that they are made to feel they must be like this.

It is interesting that when you know a man – really know him - he is not afraid to reveal some of that emotion.  But he must feel safe. And just because they don’t feel like they always can express emotions like a woman can – does not mean that they don’t have them.

I’ve been married to this man of mine for 29 years this Sunday – and one of the great things I’ve discovered is this:  we are different – but we are basically the same underneath all the layers.  Our emotions are basically the same – with different reactions to pain and hurt.  We both know what it feels like to be vulnerable and misunderstood – or to be used and tossed aside.  We both understand love and relationships – and have felt all sorts of emotions in relation to each other and in raising children.  We both can still make each other laugh – and we’re great friends – even through some of the rough patches that life has thrown at us.  And that’s so nice to know. ♥

He will continue to tease and make fun – I will continue to make him scratch his head in confusion – and make him laugh – it is our dance.  And so our journey continues – with its mysteries and lessons – and its laughter. It is our story – it is our love relationship.

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Comments on: "The Love Relationship" (8)

  1. Men and women process and express emotions differently. This is what drives us nuts! I’m not into ‘chick flicks’. I’ll let Kelly watch those with her girlfriends. Most don’t really move me. “Band of Brothers”, “Saving Private Ryan” and “Where the Red Fern Grows”, now those are real tear jerkers.

    • I love ‘Where the Red Fern Grows’ – one of my favorite books growing up. My 5th and 6th grade teacher read it aloud to our class – and couldn’t finish it – it was so emotional for her – so she just told us the ending. I’ll never forget that. The movie is not as good – they never are!

  2. My dh can’t stand “Chick Flicks.” If there’s not a car chase or bombs going off or fire coming out of something, it better be legal or political. lol

    • Greg doesn’t mind them – and he likes watching anything with me – but there are very few that will make him cry – ‘Band of Brothers’ was one of them – anything having to do with war and sacrifice – and also father/son movies really get him.

  3. My husband likes to tease me too. We have fun and joke around and like you and yours, I really feel like we get each other. My husband has shed tears at movies, and other times, not many, but he has. Under it all, we both have the same values and ideas about family and love and finances, which has made life easy for us 14 years in.We don’t feel like one is going the opposite direction. He’s my best friend and my rock. Our little inside joke is that our guardian angels really knew what they were doing when they put us together!

  4. Every relationship, I think, has its own nuances, its own subtle meanderings through day-to-day life. I’ve known my husband for just about 42 years and we’ve been married for 38 of those. He cries at chick flicks. :) I think one of the things that originally attracted me to him was his emotionality. I was tired of macho men dripping in gold chains who beat their chests regularly.

    Our relationship has grown through the years, but it has changed, too. It ebbs and flows according to circumstance and the times of our lives. In many ways, we are much closer now. We know each other’s thoughts about pretty much everything. We use the same words and finish each other’s sentences all the time. In some ways, though, we seem to have grown apart. Sometimes, it seems like we are more brother and sister than husband and wife. Sib-like spats tend to happen over certain things. Through it all, though, I still like the fact that he cries at what I consider significant parts of movies, chick flicks or not. It means his heart is still working. So many grow cold.

    • I think you touched on something important here – most marriages do grow apart over time. But if you have worked it out to where you’re in a comfortable friendship – or even the ‘brother and sister’ stage – then you have done what a lot of couples cannot – weather the changes in romantic love. And just because it looks different and feels different over time – doesn’t mean it’s not there – or not just as important.

      It sounds like we both have men with tender hearts – and that makes a great deal of difference when going through life. I’m glad for emotional men – I’m married to one and my son is also emotional. I’ve done something right ☺

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