Yesterday I was reading a very interesting article on kissing. In this article written by a man happily married – he was explaining how a kiss is so important in a love relationship and especially in a married one.
I just had a few thoughts of my own on this.
First there are many types of kisses – and many cultures that express deep meaning in a kiss. In some cultures a kiss in greeting is not unusual – on the lips sometimes but very often on each cheek as a way to say, “hello” – or “goodbye”.
We in America do not follow these rules – and in fact we seem to have our own ‘personal space’ rule. We would think it funny – strange or even a little creepy if someone of the opposite sex (whom we are not married to) came up and greeted us with a kiss – unless it’s your Grandpa, Dad, Brother, or Uncle. But anyone else – NO WAY! It’s our ‘personal space’ again.
But a romantic kiss? That’s entirely different. A kiss from your husband is the best kind of kiss there is. You really can tell so much from a kiss. It’s intimate and warm and wonderful – when done right. It keeps the romance alive and keeps you coming back. As a woman – I would rather have a passionate kiss that hints of more wonderful things to come – then just about anything else he could do for me. I love his back rubs too – for that reason. Tenderness shared by two people – the human touch – so necessary!
There are many married couples that struggle in this area. The passion and excitement have definitely gone out of the marriage and they have been reduced to an ‘arrangement’ of sorts – instead of a growing, healthy, passionate and intimate love affair – as is expressed rather graphically in the Bible – remember “Song of Solomon”? I don’t think King Solomon could ever have been accused of not being passionate. Or disinterested. Was he ‘physical’ and proud of it? You betcha! This is what is missing today in most married couples that have been married for 20 years or more – it’s mundane, hard, tiring and not interesting anymore.
For you women out there in this situation, I say this to you – do something to turn that thing around! We woman have so much ‘power’ in this department – and though the man is the pursuer and should be ultimately responsible when the ‘romance’ goes out – I say that the woman has so much to also take upon herself – if the romance is no longer there. What are you doing to make yourself attractive to your husband? Does he look at you anymore? Why not? Are you doing anything about it? Do your eyes sparkle with fun and laughter when you’re with him” Do you laugh together anymore? Why not? Do you admire him? Hang on his every word? Make him feel important? Wear special outfits that you know he likes? Be softer – more feminine? How often do you kiss him? Build him up? Make yourself available for him? Take his arm – cuddle up with him on the coach? Men LOVE to be admired and to be touched. Often and by someone they love – it’s like a drug to them. Touch him! Often – even if he’s not used to it – he will get used to it with very little help – I guarantee it. And you want him touching you and thinking about you, right? Make sure you kiss him properly so that he does!
For you men out there – YOU are the pursuer – the one that presses in – the one that is all about the chase! If you aren’t chasing anymore – you need to ask yourself a question: Why not? Women LOVE to be pursued – wanted and made to feel like a QUEEN! Especially in the home – but it goes outside the home too. Women love to be kissed - passionately. It lets them know that they are wanted and needed by you. They love little ‘things’ – notes, gifts, actions and words that let them know you are thinking only of them. NOT just for physical love – although if you do this right – it will lead there – I promise. Take care of her emotional need first – and then the physical can’t help but follow. Don’t wait until she takes care of you – YOU take care of her first and see the rich payoff you will receive. Woman love to be touched – especially by you – so TOUCH HER! A smart man will touch often because he wants her to be thinking about him and not some other man, right? So kiss her like you mean it – you want your kiss to be on her mind all day!
About a year ago I wrote on the subject “Men are Simple” and still believe that men have 3 basic needs – if you meet them you will have a happy man – eating out of your hands. 1) Admire them 2) Feed them 3) Physical love (sex) – nothing could be more simple!
But women are equally simple if you break it down – it is NO secret that women are relational in nature and much more emotional as a general rule. They love the ‘little things’ – touches and kisses and words – actions that promote love and interest. Make her your Queen - and she will be a happy woman – and a happy woman with her emotional needs met – will meet your emotional and physical needs.
I recently thumbed through some pages online of “The Sex Starved Marriage” by Michele Weiner-Davis. I understand how important it is to have a happy, healthy marriage – so many do not. By the title of this book alone – it says so much. We live in a society and culture that promotes passion and sex to the unmarried and even ‘affairs’ – NOT so much in a boring, long marriage. But I want to challenge you today – do something more about your marriage – turn it around and have a wonderful, passionate, healthy and thriving marriage as an example for the world to see! And like was stated in the article on ‘kissing’ – you can always tell a marriage that has gotten it right. They touch and kiss - share secrets and smiles and have a certain glow. Love makes woman beautiful – and men young-looking and sexy. Try it out – you won’t be disappointed – I promise.
Is a kiss just a kiss? I think not.